thoughts

o16

2006-01-17T03:50:22Z

Sometimes, I wish I still had a roommate. Sometimes I just need someone to look out for me.

o15.5

2006-01-17T01:58:21Z

*OCTOBER*:
Loves to chat. Loves those who loves them. Loves to takes things at the center. Inner and physical beauty. Lies but doesn't pretend. Gets angry often. Treats friends importantly.Brave and fearless. Always making friends. Easily hurt but recovers easily. Daydreamer. Opinionated. Does not care to control emotions. Unpredictable. Extremely smart.

****************************************************
*JANUARY*:
Being born in January straight-up means your the most good looking person possible! You've also got the best personality (bar none) and am an absolute pleasure to be around. You are probably a massive Burzum fan, and more than likely have an a very attractive partner (or three!). It is also more than likely that you have a massive record collection (that is better than anybody else from any other month). You have a great choice in films, and may one day become a famous actor yourself - hell! you've got the looks for it!!!

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*FEBRUARY*:
Abstract thoughts. Loves reality and abstract. Intelligent and clever. Changing personality. Attractiver than any month. sexyer that any month. Temperamental. Quiet, shy and humble. Honest and loyal. Determined to reach goals. Loves freedom. Rebellious when restricted. Loves aggressiveness. Too sensitive and easily hurt. Gets angry really easily but does not show it. Dislikes unnecessary things. Loves making friends but rarely shows it. Daring and stubborn. Ambitious. Realizing dreams and hopes. Sharp. Loves entertainment and leisure. Romantic beond belief. Superstitious and ludicrous. Spendthrift. Tries to learn to show emotions.

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*MARCH*:
Attractive personality. sexy. Affectionate Shy and reserved. Secretive. Naturally honest, generous and sympathetic. Loves peace and serenity. Sensitive to others. Loves to serve others. Easily angered. Trustworthy. Appreciative and returns kindness. Observant and assesses others. Revengeful. Loves to dream and fantasize. Loves traveling. Loves attention. Hasty decisions in choosing partners. Loves home decors. Musically talented. Loves special things. Moody. Great in bed.....=)

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*APRIL*:
Active and dynamic. Decisive and haste but tends to regret. Attractive and affectionate to others. Strong mentality. Loves attention. Diplomatic. Consoling, friendly and can solve people's problems. Full of ideas. Always willing to do new things. Gives people the upmost respect. Brave and fearless. Adventurous. Loving and caring. Can be very stubborn at times. Suave and generous. Emotional. Aggressive. Hasty. Good memory. moving :Motivates oneself and others. Sickness usually of the head and chest. sexy and a great lover.

****************************************************
*MAY*:
Stubborn and hard-hearted. Strong-willed and highly motivated. Sharp thoughts. Easily angered. Attracts others and loves attention. Deep feelings. Beautiful physically and mentally. Firm Standpoint. Needs no motivation. Easily consoled. Systematic (left brain). Loves to dream. Strong clairvoyance. Understanding. Sickness usually in the ear and neck. Good imagination. Good physical. Weak breathing. Loves literature and the arts. Loves traveling. Dislike being at home. Restless. Not having many children. Hardworking. Kinky. High spirited. Total Bad ass.

****************************************************
*JUNE*:
Easy to talk to. Thinks far with vision. Easily influenced by kindness. Polite and soft-spoken. Having lots of ideas. Sensitive. Active mind. Hesitating, tends to delay. Choosy and always wants the best. Temperamental. Funny and humorous. Loves to joke. Good debating skills. Has that someone* always on his/her mind. Talkative. Daydreamer. Friendly. Knows how to make friends. Abiding. Able to show character. one guy/girl kind of person. Loveable. Easily hurt. Prone to getting colds. Loves music. pretty/handsome. Easily bored. Fussy. Seldom shows emotions. Takes time to recover when hurt. Sensitive. Down-to-Earth. Stubborn.

****************************************************
*JULY*
Fun to be with. Secretive. Difficult to fathom and to be understood. Quiet unless excited or tensed. Takes pride in oneself. Has reputation. Easily consoled. Honest. Concerned about people's feelings. Tactful. Friendly. Approachable. Emotional temperamental and unpredictable. Moody and easily hurt. Witty and sparkly. Not revengeful. Forgiving but never forgets. Dislikes nonsensical and unnecessary things. Guides others physically and mentally. Sensitive and forms impressions carefully. Caring and loving. Treats others equally. Strong sense of sympathy. Wary and sharp. Judges people through observations. Hardworking. No difficulties in studying. Loves to be alone. Always broods about the past and the old friends. Waits for friends. Never looks for friends. Not aggressive unless provoked. Loves to be loved. Easily hurt but takes long to recover.

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*AUGUST*:
outgoing personality. takes risks. feeds on attention. no self control. kind hearted. self confident. loud and boisteroius. VERY revengeful. easy to get along with and talk to. has an "everything's peachy" attitude. likes talking and singing. loves music. daydreamer. easily distracted. Hates not being trusted. BIG imagination. loves to be loved. hates studying. in need of "that someone". longs for freedom. rebellious whe withheld or restricted. lives by "no pain no gain" caring. always a suspect. playful. mysterious. "charming" or "beautiful" to a specail person. stubborn. courious. independent. strong willed. a fighter.

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*SEPTEMBER*:
Suave and compromising. Careful, cautious and organized. Likes to point out people's mistakes. Likes to criticize. Stubborn. Quiet but able to talk well. Calm and cool. Kind and sympathetic. Concerned and detailed. Loyal and always HONEST. Does work well. Very confident. Sensitive. Positive Attitude. Thinking generous. Good memory. Clever and knowledgeable. Loves to look for information. Must control oneself when criticizing. Able to motivate oneself. Understanding. Fun to be around. Secretive. Loves sports, leisure and traveling. Hardly shows emotions. Tends to bottle up feelings. Very choosy, especially in relationships. Systematic. Sexy but has brains.

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*OCTOBER*:
Loves to chat. Loves those who loves them. Loves to takes things at the center. Inner and physical beauty. Lies but doesn't pretend. Gets angry often. Treats friends importantly.Brave and fearless. Always making friends. Easily hurt but recovers easily. Daydreamer. Opinionated. Does not care to control emotions. Unpredictable. Extremely smart.

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*NOVEMBER*:
Trustworthy and loyal. Very compassionate and caring. Wild at times. Knows how to have fun. Sexy and mysterious. Very skilled at making love. . Everyone is drawn towards your inner and outer beauty. Playful, secretive.Very emotional and takes alot to make angry. Meets new people easily. Fearless and independent. Can hold their own. Stands out in a crowd. Essentially very smart. Usually, the greatest people are born in this month. If you ever begin a relationship with someone from this month, hold on to them because their one of a kind.

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*DECEMBER*:
Loyal and generous. sexy as hell. Above average penis (males only) Active in games and interactions. Always the best at what you do. Impatient and hasty. Ambitious. Influential in organizations. Fun to be with. Loves to socialize. Loves praises. Loves attention. Loves to be loved. Honest and trustworthy. Not pretendin

that's weird.

o15

2006-01-16T03:36:36Z

"now I know a disease that these doctors can't treat.
you contract it the day you accept all you see
is a mirror
and a mirror is all it can be.
a reflection of something we're missing.
and language just happened.
it was never planned.
and it's inadequate to describe where I am
in the room of my house
where the light has never been
waiting for this day to end."
- bright eyes

Freshman year; 2002-2003

Sophmore year; 2003-2004

Junior year; 2004-2005

Senior year 2005-2006

I've been here too long.

o14

2006-01-15T05:29:49Z

seriously, i am so dumb.

o13

2006-01-11T22:21:40Z

"Thank you for your interest in the Tyler School of Art. We
have received all of the credentials required to make an
admissions decision on your application. Temple University's
Office of Undergraduate Admissions is working on your
application - you should be hearing from them soon."

Upon reciving this I have come to the realization that no matter if I get into college or not, I am not going to be here next year, thank god. I was giddy after reading this. Extatic. I was seriously jumping around. In less than 5 months I will no longer have to deal with high school drama, this school's bullshit, a school with a population of 500, or high school freshman.

I am leaving. I am so happy. I can't wait to hear back from schools, whether I get accepted or not. I just want to know my options and know where I'm going so I can be even more extatic.

however; I will miss the grass, a few kids, and Carter.

o12

2006-01-11T03:12:56Z

getting old school. i thought it was appropriate.

so sick, so sick of being tired.
and oh so tired of being sick.
we're both such magnificent liars.
so crush me baby, i'm all ears.
so obviously desperate, so desperatly obvious.
i'll give in one more time and feed you stupid lines all about "its basic..."

we won't stand for hazy eyes anymore.
we won't stand for hazy eyes anymore.
we won't stand for hazy eyes anymore.
we won't stand for hazy eyes anymore.

so sick, so sick of being tired.
and oh so tired of being sick.
willing and ready to prove the worst of everything you said about.
so obviously desperate, so desperatly obvious.
so good at setting bad examples.
listen, trick, i've had all i can handle.

- taking back sunday

Mark your confessions:
[ ] I'm afraid of the quiet
[x] I am really ticklish.
[ ] I'm afraid of the dark.
[x] I'm afraid of facing my back to open doors at night.
[ ] I am homosexual.
[x] I believe in true love.
[ ] I've run away from home.
[x] I collect comic books. well, i used to anyway
[x] I shut others out when I'm sad.
[x] I stay out all night.
[ ] I open up to others easily.
[x] I am keeping a secret from the world.
[ ] I watch the news.
[x] I own over 5 rap CDs
[ ] I love Disney movies.
[x] I am a sucker for pretty eyes
[ ] I don't kill bugs.
[x]]I curse once in a while.
[ ] I have "x"s in my screen name.
[x] I've slipped and fell in public.
[ ] I've slipped out a "lol" in a real conversation.
[ ] I love Spam.
[ ] I cook well.
[x] I have worn pajamas out side.
[ ] I have owned something from Abercrombie.
[x] Talked on a phone for 5 hours
[ ] I love Dr. Phil
[ ] I love someone.
[ ] I am guilty of tYpInG lIkE tHiS....it's fun
[x] I am self-conscious.
[x] I love to laugh
[x] I have tried alcohol.
[ ] I drink alcohol on a regular basis
[x] I have tried a cigarette.
[x]I have tried a cigar
[ ] I have smoked a pack in one day.
[ ] I loved Lord of the Flies.
[ ] I have cough drops when I'm not sick.
[ ] I can't swallow pills.
[x] I have a few scars
[x] I've been out of this country
[ ] I can't sleep if there is a spider in the room.
[ ] I love chocolate.
[ ] I bite my nails.
[ ] I am not comfortable with being me.
[x] Gotten lost in the city.
[x] Seen a shooting star.
[x] Had a serious injury
[x] Have kissed a stranger.
[x] Hugged a stranger.
[ ] Been in a bloody fist fight with someone of the same sex.
[ ] Been in a fist fight.
[x] Been arrested. well, handcuffed
[ ] Laughed and had some type of beverage come out of your nose.
[x] Pushed all the buttons on an elevator.
[ ] Made out in an elevator.
[x] Swore at your parents.
[x] Kicked a guy where it hurts on purpose.
[ ] Been skydiving
[ ] Been bungee jumping
[x] Gotten stitches.
[ ] Drank a whole gallon of milk in one hour.
[x] Bitten someone
[ ] Been to Niagara Falls.
[ ] Gotten the chicken pox.
[ ] Crashed into a car.
[x] Have been to Japan.
[x] Ridden in a taxi.
[x] Shoplifted.
[ ] Been fired.
[x] Had feelings for someone who didn't have them back.
[ ] Stole something from your job.
[ ] Gone on a blind date
[ ] Had a crush on a teacher/coach
[ ] Celebrated Mardi Gras in New Orleans.
[ ] Been to Europe
[ ] Slept with a co-worker.
[ ] Been married.
[ ] Gotten divorced.
[ ] Saw someone/something dying
[ ] Driven over 400 miles in one day.
[ ] Been to Canada.
[x] Been on a plane.
[x] Seen the Rocky Horror Picture Show.
[ ] Thrown up in a bar.
[x] Eaten sushi.
[ ] Been snowboarding.
[ ] Been skiing.
[x] Been ice skating.
[x] Cried in public.
[ ] Walked purposely into traffic with your eyes closed.
[x] Liked someone even though you knew you shouldn't have.
[x] Thought of someone almost 24/7
[x] Hated the world

o11

2005-12-19T01:57:53Z

highlight of the day: my little sister rapping Eve's part in the song 'Rich Girls'

o1o.5

2005-12-15T03:24:14Z

whats the point. no one takes me seriously. if i'm upset people just say i'm emo. it dosent even matter what i have to say. im "emo" so i just just go and cry and it dosent matter because thats what i'm supposed to do.

well fuck you. sometimes i feel like i'm going to fall apart. every last piece of me is going to slowly detatch itself from my body. but it dosent matter because im "emo" and every thing i feel i'm supposed to feel because the music i listen to defines the person i am as well as every single emotion i harbor.

i just went outside after study hall and being there... i wanted to seep into the floor. deep into the fibers of the carpet and never leave. standing there surrounded by people who all just see me as 'emo', who wouldnt understand if i explained my problems because im just some fucking definition, not an actual person.

i'm overcome by the reality that i will be going home in two days, and i'm not ready. i don't want to be home. i also don't want to be here. i want to be somewhere in limbo. i want to take a vacation from life for a few days. i want to see my friends from home who i haven't seen since august. i want to be able to hang out with my GS friends outside of George School, but I can't and I won't because once I go home I won't leave. My home is the worst place for me right now. and even though that sounds cliche, and like stupid 'teen angst' but thats how i feel right now. and thats what i'm dealing with. if you cared.

o1o

2005-12-15T01:20:33Z

starlet
i still remember driving
our lights disturbed the high way,
exchanging looks and dancing off the road.

I am happy and sad at the same time. I can't really explain it but I feel like I've needed to make an entry like this for a while.

Don't say things you don't mean or will never follow through with. Even though you probably forgot and don't give a fuck. I still worry about you, and I shouldn't. Take care of yourself. Seriously. We don't talk anymore but I wish you would call just to say... anything. I wish it could be seen from the outside, and I wish there was something I could do. I wish I could just give you a hug to make sure you're alright, but it's not like you will ever care, or read this, or know who the hell I'm talking about, so its pointless. But be careful, kid. I still get sad when I think about you. good memories.

On a whole, I'm kind of afraid.

It's just that the year started out really fun, and amazing. Then I reached an all time low. And now things have gone back up, but theyre different. And it's just really strange. I like it, but I don't know what to think.

i'm screaming, you're dancing in the rearview

oo9

2005-12-07T03:46:06Z

When I leave this place, I will miss the diversity. I realized this while watching Crash, where I cried, and how all the cliques at our school, for the most part, get along nicely. It's so accepting, and I really will miss that. I know that wherever I go to college, it won't be the same. I'm pretty confident that the friends I make at college will all be smilar to each other, and that will be that. There wont be as much diversity among my friends and who i hang out with and talk to, and though I know I won't aim for that, I know it will happen, and will make me really sad.

I have also discovered that besides being the token female "emo kid" at this school, I am also seen as a stoner because of the kids I hang out with, which I find pretty funny. But whatever, I love those kids.

Instructions: take the first sentence (or 2) from the first post of each month of 2005. That's your year in review.

Jan
so my new years was pretty lame. we ate sushi & drank some stuff.

Feb
i absolutly love this picture. i think that's all i have to say.

March
i sent eric that picture today and he said something alone the lines of "you're so strange. don't ever change." and it made me so happy for some reason.

April
today was so. fucking. long. i went home yesterday & laura and i woke up this morning and went to Uarts with my parents.

May
need a weekend where i can go home and chill and buy clothes and get away from here, maybe just hang out with some kids from home. like anyone from mullica would be absolutly fine.

June
its weird, how i could go from being the innocent, naiive little 13 year old freshman, to the sixteen year old smothered with decisions like alcohol, drugs, and sex.

July
i never realized how much the better the beach is at night. last night laura and i went for a walk on brig beach and ended up running around in the water until like, 4am.

August
i'm pretty sure i met my future husband on south street yesterday. his name is mike.

September
i'm in shock i am back here. i think i've been looking at everyone with this stunned expresiion on my face, unsure of why they're here, and why i'm here.

October
zolof last night. it was good, though i wish i was more engergized.

November
yesterday was a day full of epic journeys and eating lots and lots of food. oh, how i will miss the shadiness of this place.

oo8

2005-12-01T02:27:05Z

There's some music that brings back really vivid memories and can somehow produce the same exact feeling they did when I first heard it or when something significant happened. I love that feeling, you get a surge of good feelings, assuming the memory it brings back is positive.

Motion City Soundtrack does that to me. Commit This To Memory is probably one of the better, wittier without arrgoance, albums. It's light and airy and just... easy. It gives me that feeling I really miss, the butterfly in the stomach one. They kind of help to ease my lonliness, and make me not care. So props to them.

"say something, finally we're alone.
alright is there anyone out there at all?
say something finally we're alone.
how about a phone call now?"

December 8th, December 8th!

oo6

2005-11-16T19:38:46Z

10 terms of George School completed.
2 more to go.

Wow. How insane. Only two terms left. I have a weird feeling I will have trouble making it through these next two terms. I just don't know. This year has been so ridiculous. I will miss it next year though. The gerbil piles and massage lines reminded me how chill this place is. Scary that it's gonna be over so soon. I remember the dorm meeting in Westwood the first night here... I was soo nervous and thought I'd never make any friends.

It's been a crazy four years.

oo5

2005-11-13T05:22:40Z

Tonight during meeting for worship a lot of kids were talking about how GS is such a supportive community and how greatful they are to be here. I disagree. I feel like this term the school has fucked me over, it doesnt seem the the same place. It seems more centered on punisment and whats 'right' and 'wrong' rather than caring and understanding emotions and how kids feel.

The 3+ weeks I was campused i pretty much didn't come out of my room, I just felt like shit, and got really kind of depressed, but no one really noticed. Not that I expected them to, but I feel like someone should've just because everyone makes it a point to talk about how much everyone supposedly cares about each other. I got so disconnected from everyone. Like, to put so much of yourself into being a prefect, the time commitment and becoming attatched and everything, it dosen't even mean anything. emily fucking just yells at me all the time like i'm a fucking 10 year old, and others just make it a point to constantly remind me i am no longer 'adequate'. it's really fucking annoying.

i will be so happy to leave this place, but i really will miss my friends. other than meeting, it was a pretty good day, full of utter confusion and phone calls and NITHEN!, i missed him. I wish he was still at school here sooo much.

"I used to rely on self-medication,
I guess I still do that from time to time.
But I'm getting better at fighting the future,
'Someday you'll be fine..'
Yes, I'll be just fine."

- motion city soundtrack

oo4

2005-11-10T02:19:42Z

I feel like so many things are wrong and confusing and going at a faster pace than I can keep up with. i feel like i am the fetal position. What else can i do? And in the midst of all of this, i'm calm and content, but I still get that weird going-downhill-on-a-rollercoaster feeling, which i choose to ignore, because I know it means trouble and feeling like shit.

I don't know if it's the acceptance that I knew it wouldnt happen because nothing changes, or the knowlege there is nothing I can do about it because there never was. I just get fed up with the same people being... the same as always, and me being Annessa, the weird girl whose name is supposed to have a 'v' in front of her name. But, you know, I've gotten used to it.

oo3

2005-11-04T01:42:52Z

have you ever listend to a song and wanted to be part of it. it's so beautiful and whole, and you can't help but think "this song is really pretty, i bet it's really fun inside of there." it's almost like an unattainable fantasy. i just want to float off inside music and not be touched by anyone or anything. i want to melt into something.

oo2

2005-11-03T03:26:15Z

save yourself.
because the only thing that matters
is that you get away from the pain
and the thought of losing your mind.
don't blame yourself.
it was everyone around you who made you act this way.
there's the stage and your chance to watch it go down.

don't fake yourself into ever, ever thinking about yesterday.
that was then, this is now. don't call it undone.
don't take what you've been dealt.
you can exit out the back and make your getaway
before anyone can see the damage you have done.

this time is the last time so be here, here now.
this time is the last time. somehow make it through.

- mae

oo1

2005-11-01T20:24:04Z

i haven't listened to this album in a long time. it brings back some memories from freshman and sophmore year. i wonder if this is a recent development, or my ignorance, but this school seems to have gone to shit these past two years. maybe its senioritus, but i really need to get the hell out of here. i need to not live at george school anymore. i seriously need to go home.

but this place feels the need to make my life a living hell by requiring me to stay here, and not go so far as to step foot off campus. all i have to say to the deans and headmaster is fuck you. i'm trying to hold it all together, but so much shit is going on at once that it's hard, and i feel as if i might explode. i don't even feel like part of this school anymore. i look around when walking to class and dont recognize anyone. i don't make an effort to talk to people anymore. it's not even that i don't want to. i just don't know what to say. everyone just kind of seems like strangers. and i feel really really out of place.

"so let's take a drink and never think, yeah, here's to the past."

peace outtt, annessa